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Change is in the air

You know how they say, "You are in control of your destiny"? Well I am... and I've let myself go.
It's time to seriously make the commitment to take back control.

I've started keeping a food journal again, tracking all of my calories. Limiting myself to a restricted amount. This is how I lost 60lbs in one year. It's time to go back to the basics... Advocare has helped, but lately I feel like I've been relying on it like a "magic pill". And magic pills don't work. At my lowest weight, I was 153 (which was about 6 months ago). I've now managed to gain 20lbs, which I never thought I would do... I couldn't be more ashamed. I'm supposed to be an inspiration, an example. This is supposed to be my career!

I also need to seriously get back into exercise in massive amounts. I need a schedule, and a routine that I change up. I'm highly committed to going to U-Jam, now that it's a regular Friday class.

I've also been really really sick lately. And I know that's no excuse to binge eat like a total heifer...

I also need to create a schedule for my study times so I can get this next cert. and work on structuring a routine for cardio kickboxing so I can get my lazy butt a job!
I really need a job...


Okay, Goals set... It's time to go to work!

Love & Marriage (revisited)

It seems I've ventured into this topic not too long ago. But this time, I've had a change of perspective.

After what has seemed like the worst breakup of my life to the person I thought I was going to marry... I'm left with broken feelings about relationships. I started dating someone new, but already feel like he's not the right person. I see so many marriages end in divorce, and hear about so many relationships that just "settle" or make it work with someone they don't even really love.

Is that the reality?

Is love the fairy tale and a loveless marriage is what you end up getting after you've fallen from cloud 9 and started seeing clearly? I refuse to believe this. This would have to be the saddest, most dreadful reality ever. Life is not fruitful without love. There is no greater joy than my hope for finding my true love. This "reality" takes the sun out of my sky. It takes the color out of my world. It takes the air out of my lungs.

If I have to live alone for the rest of my life and believe in love or get married to someone I don't love just to have the life I want... I think I'd take the life alone.

I want the fairy tale. Screw reality.

Love and Marriage

Waiting for a proposal is like waiting for water to boil, but worse...

It is so frustrating to want something so bad, and to hear your boyfriend say he loves you and wants to marry you but then doesn't want to right now... When is the right time to get married? I mean, I'm not trying to pressure him, but if you know you want to be with someone the rest of your life, why wait? I guess that's what I'm stuck on. I am never going to love someone as much as I love him, and I just want the whole world to know that I'm his.
Marriage, to me, is about celebrating your love with someone and committing to that person for the rest of your life. I want to celebrate because everyday I wake up happier because I'm with him.
Can I just get a ring for now with the intent that we will be married someday? Like just give me that!
We've been dating for almost 2 years, been living together for over a year... We make all of our decisions together. We pay bills together, we buy furniture together, we have talked about the future several times...
I mean, I know we are still young and there's time... I just don't want to waste it. I want to enjoy it all now :) Is that so wrong?
Sigh... being in love can be so rough sometimes...
Everyone always says "be patient"... does anyone know what I'm going through? I just wish someone could say "I know exactly how you feel!"

Dieting Secrets Revealed

Everyone who has tried to diet before and maybe lost a little weight but gained it back have no idea what they are doing!
I know this, because I was once that person. I clearly knew nothing about weight loss and how it all works.
Here's the first clue: Calories in, Calories out.
In order to lose weight, you have to take in less calories than your body burns.

Sounds simple, and it is, if you know how to do it.

First, I recommend googling a "calorie calculator." This will help you figure out how many calories you need to consume in a day in order to lose weight at the rate you want.
It depends on your age, gender, height, weight, and activity level.
When I started, it was 1600 calories.
But you can't just diet, you also have to exercise (THIS IS KEY).
I went to the gym 2-3 times a week for 30 min cardio, and 15-20 min weight lifting.
Why cardio? Why weight lifting? Well, cardio burns calories and weight lighting builds muscle.
Muscle is good to have because it makes you look tone, but it also helps you burn more calories when you're at rest. AWESOME, right?! :)
So do both!
Now, the beginning of any diet is always the worst. You feel like you're starving because your stomach is used to taking in large quantities of food. And now you're telling it, "Sorry sam, that's all you get."
But suffer through it, and you will start to see results fast.
The beginning is also what keeps you motivated because the weight drops off pretty quickly in the beginning (especially the heavier you are, the more that comes off). You're body doesn't want all that fat, so it's more than happy to get rid of it.
Now... the counting calories method is what worked for me. However, everyone is different and you need to find a diet that works for you. What I mean is, you need to find something that you know you will stick with. The problem most people have is that they start a diet only to quit it a few weeks later. This is why you don't lose weight, or don't keep it off.
Let me tell you why counting calories works for me... I can still eat whatever I want. Ice cream. Pizza. Mexican. Beer. Whatever! But, all the calories in those foods has to be subtracted from my daily intake.
For example, if a slice of pizza is 340 calories, and I have 2 slices... that 680 calories takes out about half my days worth of calories already.
Now, you can do that... but I think you'll start getting into the trend that I did, which involved going for more low calorie foods.
I recommend getting some type of journal to write all your foods down so that you can keep track of your calories each day! Do not skip a single day! I promise you, this will keep you on track. More success stories of dieting came from people who kept track of what they ate. So do it!
Also... I recommend EATING your calories and not DRINKING them! So buy your diet sodas and diet drinks, and stay away from alcohol.
You will want to stay strict on this diet for the first few months. However, you are allowed to cheat ONCE a month. One cheat day in which you can eat whatever you want, without counting or keeping track. Glorious :)
However, the more you do the diet, the more you'll find out that even though you want to eat 5 slices of pizza, your stomach can only fit 2-3 after a while.
Start paying attention to your bodies cues of when it's FULL.
Also, pay attention to cues of when you're CRAVING. Craving certain foods is not necessarily a bad thing. It's your body's way of saying that you need whatever vitamins or minerals are within that food. But, do not go overboard. Just eat enough to cure the craving.
Another good idea is to buy a weight scale. Keep track of your weight on a daily basis. THIS IS A GOOD MOTIVATOR! Seeing the weight come off will boost your mood. And seeing you pile it back on, will let you know when you haven't been doing your diet properly. Now, for me, the days I would go to the gym were the days that the scale wouldnt move. And I think that is because I put on muscle. On the days I wouldn't go to the gym, I would see the weight come off. Do not be fooled into thinking that you shouldnt go to the gym just because the weight comes off those days. You need to burn the calories at the gym, doing exercise, in order for it to take effect.
Weigh yourself at the same time everyday, preferably when you first wake up. This will give you accurate accounts of your progress.

Now... after you've lost 15-20 lbs, you may have to decrease your calorie intake and/or increase your exercise. Why? Because you will find that you will hit what is called a Plateau. It's a stagnant place to be in your weight loss where your body gets comfortable at a certain weight. The only way to break it and continue to lose weight is to A) decrease calorie intake again or B) increase amount of exercise. And sometimes you will need to do both.
When I started dieting, I was consuming 1600 calories. But after about a month, I had to decrease it to 1300. This is a drastic decrease. This is practically one less meal a day. You don't have to decrease it that much. You can go little by little. One week, decrease it 100 calories. The next, 100 more.
After a while, I also had to increase my exercise to 1 hour of cardio, and 20-30 minutes weight lifting.
And now I'm consuming 1000 calories a day.
At my current state, I have lost 51 pounds and 24 inches off my entire body.
It feels great. But I'm sticking with it, for another 22 pounds to go! And once I get down to my goal weight, I plan to maintain it. This means, no going back to my old eating habits. I can't just eat whatever I want and however much I want. I need to still watch what I eat and don't overindulge. Dieting should be thought of as a lifestyle change, because if you don't continue with your good eating habits, you won't keep the results you want.

I am happy to answer any dieting questions people may have. I am sharing my success story because I want to inspire other people. I want to help them reach their own weight loss goals. And I want to help people figure out why dieting never worked for them before. Because I sure know that I have tried dieting all my life and was never successful until now.


i hate you, don't leave me.

ah, the sounds of my psychotic heart screaming out. 
shut up, heart! i've heard enough outta you!


procrastinators unite tomorrow

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February 2014